Taking Your Husband's Last Name

I'm not chattel.  Are you?

Ubiquitous Hand Sanitzers

Breeding supergerms as a consequence of public hysteria about largely harmless bacteria is absurd.

White Chocolate

White chocolate is not actually chocolate.  Also, it's disgusting.  NOTHING should be made of white chocolate.

Possums

Are the most disgusting mammal.  The fact that Noah brought them, too, is something of which I do not approve.

Use of the Term "Partner" by Married Heterosexuals

Married, heterosexual people shouldn't refer to their spouses as "partners."  If you take advantage of the heterosexual privilege of marriage, you have to publicly own it.  To use "partner" does not put you in solidarity with gay people.  It's disingenuous, and I don't approve.  Plus, it's annoying.

Food Allergies

I don't believe in them.  When I was a kid we all went to birthday parties and ate cake and ice cream.  No one was lactose-intolerant, no one got spelt cake, or whatever, because they were allergic to gluten.  Kids ate PB&J for lunch, just like their parents did.  I just can't believe that in a single generation we've gone from largely omnivorous to wildly limited in our ability to digest food.  Allergies are usually imaginary and I don't approve of them. 

Wine Served in Tumblers

Drinking alcoholic beverages out of their proper containers is "having a drink."  Even if it's your fourth drink of the day.  And it's 10 AM.  Drinking alcoholic beverages out of juice glasses means you're an alcoholic.