Subway Pole Leaners

I've found that knuckles in the ribs get 'em standing properly with one hand on the pole.  Or where ever else your knuckles can make contact.

Digital Watches

Just tacky.

Air Freshener

I would rather smell the honest smell of doody than the honest smell of doody overlaid with the chemical smell of fake pine.  The former is yucky; the latter is absolutely nauseating. 

Sweet, Bland Breakfast Foods

Give me a bowl of beef tendon and noodle soup with hot chiles, leftover anchovy and sausage pizza, pork tamales with salsa fresca, but for god's sake, don't offer me an English muffin.  Only sissies eat sweet, bland breakfast foods.  It goes directly to character.

Refusing to Take a Parking Place More than 20 Feet from The Entrance

To those people who circle the Costco parking lot for hours so they don't have to walk an extra 50 feet:  What's wrong with you?  Maybe if you walked the additional 50 feet the 6 lb bag of Doritos in your cart wouldn't put you up a pant size.

The "Sex With Twins" Fantasy

Guys like porn.  Whatever.  But this sex with twins thing?  You would think that incestuous sex with sisters would be one of those fetishes that exist on the margins of the mainstream.  Like sex with pineapples or something.  But no: "sex with twins" returns 140 million results; "sex with pineapples" a mere 17.  Why is the sex with twins fantasy so popular?  They're SISTERS.  That's just yucky.

Vegetarian/Gluten Free/Low Carb diets

I mostly think that people should eat what they want to eat.  The problem with these artificially limited diets is that they are ALWAYS imposed on other people.  You don't want to serve me steak at your house?  Fine.  I'm happy to eat vegetables when I'm a dinner guest at your place.  But etiquette is not situational: the rules of being a dinner guest still apply when you're at my house.  Eat the goddamn steak. 

If you're on a low carb diet, don't eat the bread basket at the restaurant.  But don't explain to me why I shouldn't eat it, or tell me how much weight you've lost since you stopped eating bread.  Good for you and pass the butter, please: I don't want to hear about it.  Gluten free?  Whatever, don't order the pasta.  But don't make the server make special requests to the chef to leave the croutons out of your salad.  Hell is other people's artificial dietary restrictions.